Step Parent Foster Adoption Story

Once the foster adoption commitment was made, then came the infamous adoption home study.  I doubt that Pam or myself will ever forget the adoption home study ordeal.  As with anyone, it was clear that Pam was not looking forward to this lengthy process, but she was quite the trooper. There we sat, for hours at her dining room table, discussing her family and background and filling out the adoption home study paperwork. When any other person would have jumped at the chance to break for the evening and start the next day, Pam would say, “no, let’s get as much of this done as we can now.” So, over a couple of days versus perhaps days on end, Pam would come home directly after work and immediately sit with me and divulge her life until the whole process was complete. I will never, never, never forget Pam’s reaction when I paused, looked down at my note book, and said, “I think we are all done here.”  She looked up at me, threw her hands in the air and said, “the adoption home study is over!” Working with her was actually a joy. Her humor kept us both sane through the daunting task of information gathering, plus, it spoke to her engaging interpersonal style.

During this time, in the back of my head, I worried about the potential for Ciara and Lamar to be disappointed. I worried about them getting their hopes up to be adopted, and then perhaps having some sort of a glitch in the system negate the possibility of this foster adoption. Therefore, I told the kids we’d give this a shot, but that there were absolutely no guarantees at this point. They understood. Really, they did not need me to tell them to be cautious about their expectations in the adoption home study. In fact, I don’t believe they had any faith at all that this was actually going to come to fruition, and really, why would they?  After all, they had been in 5 foster care placements over the course of their lives and never really had any of their expectations or hopes met. This thought was supported by their actions which were not suggestive of hopefulness of securing foster adoption or family stability in the near future. They were beginning to show more stress and strain as evidenced by problems with grades and in a sense, showing signs of giving up. For instance, I recall talking to Lamar one day about his grades and the need to keep them up so he could play football (so he could pursue his goal of being a football star). On this day, he told me he didn’t care about that any more and in fact, did not have any more goals. This foster adoption needed to happen.

Thankfully, the adoption home study process went well, the county social worker was completely on board and moved things along in a speedy fashion, and Pam went above and beyond the call of duty. All on her own accord, she converted her family room into her bedroom, rearranged her girls’ rooms so that one room could accommodate Lamar, and the other could house her girls and Ciara. She then thought out ways to make her basement into an area for the kids to “hang out” and spend time. Plain and simple, she was getting things done and Ciara and Lamar watched the commitment of their potential foster mother unfold.

Step Parent Foster Adoption Story Continued...1, 2, 3, 4