Step Parent Foster Adoption Story

The change in demeanor, personality, and presentation was nothing short of amazing for two teenagers named Ciara and Lamar. It would be rather difficult to forget my initial meeting with these two young people.  I remember walking into their foster care home to find them sitting at the living room table.  There they sat, with shoulders slumped over, heads hanging down, and their arms loosely crossed in front of them. Their expressions were flat. I sat down and introduced myself as the counselor who would be conducting their foster care adoption home study. They clearly did not care who I was or why I was there. Neither one of them would initiate any conversation, but they did respond to my inquiries with simple “yes…. no…. I don’t know,” answers. Their tone, especially Lamar’s, was soft and low.  Their county social worker was there that day and on one or two occasions, she did get Ciara to show a brief glimmer of a smile. No matter what was discussed, Lamar, showed no range of emotion. I was not sure if he had just gotten into trouble, received some bad news, or was just empty from years of losing faith in possible foster adoption.

Ok, so the first task was to try and gain some level of rapport with these kids who didn’t really want to be bothered with anything, or anyone. I asked what they enjoyed doing, their favorite foods and sports, and other similar questions. Generally, their responses were, “I don’t know.”  Both kids eventually stated they liked cake, chips, and playing video games. After further probing I learned that Ciara wanted to be a lawyer, and Lamar aspired to be a professional football player. Great! They are future oriented and have some goals!  Yes, a definite positive for them. Perhaps even more attractive about these two was that they were clearly each other’s support. Without knowing their history, it was evident that they were close, and had been for life, yet another strength they possessed.  As I learned, they had in a sense, helped to raise each other as they went from foster placement to foster placement after the death of their grandmother.

When I asked if they wanted to be adopted, both appeared to have some ambivalence. When asked who they would like to live with if the agency could help make it work, without skipping a beat, they both answered, “our Auntie! ”  I immediately reacted to their sudden show of life and enthusiasm with matching energy. “Great! Do you guys have any contact with her now?” Their quick show of life was stymied by Ciara’s dejected statement;  “yeah, she has already tried to adopt us but she can’t, the initial adoption home study said her house is too small anyhow.”  Hmmm……alright, perhaps a road block here, but we’ll keep exploring it.  Speaking of road blocks……there were many. As a product of many years in the foster adoption system, they continued to have confusing and negative influences in their lives that brought with them, emotionally laden repercussions.  In addition, both kids were struggling with some academic and behavioral issues.

Step Parent Foster Adoption Story Continued... 1, 2, 3, 4