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Ciara and Lamar - Older Child Adoption Story - Part 2
Continued from What Foster Adoption Can Do for an Older Child
One thing they didn’t struggle with, however, was spending holidays and most weekends with their Aunt Pam and her three children. It was clear from Ciara and Lamar, that family was important to them. Both kids valued the time they had with their aunt and cousins and looked forward to this time each week. In addition to their closeness with Pam and their cousins, it was evident that Ciara and Lamar had a sense of family that extended to even those with whom they had limited contact. They worried about their mother and seemed to greatly value the time when they spent 1 week with their older brother. Ciara and I had a discussion about her other siblings one day when I was driving her to Pam’s home. Ciara mentioned that she did not know anything about her youngest sister, and barely knew anything about her other siblings. She did not say how hurtful this was, but her sadness was clearly conveyed through her tone and body language.
A few weeks after my first meeting with Ciara and Lamar, I contacted their Aunt Pam. I recall Pam as being pleasant and straight to the point. “I’ve tried to adopt them in the past, but it couldn’t work out then.” I also recall that Pam couldn’t talk very long during our first phone call but did agree to speak with me further in the upcoming weeks. So, I called her back….. and back…… and back! She was never home! I did finally reach her and on several occasions we discussed past and present challenges to her ability to adopt. Past obstacles precluding her from adoption were no longer an issue, but current issues ranging from money, to space, to being a single parent, to negative influences from some extended family, all indicated that adoption was probably unrealistic. I have to say that Pam sat in a rollercoaster seat for a few months. This woman, clearly, had a lot to think about. Some days she would be determined to adopt. On other days the realities of have having only 2 bedrooms for herself and 5 children, and having a full time job with just enough income to make ends meet, among other things, became overwhelming and would set her 10 steps back. How many times I heard this woman say, “Well, just I don’t think I am going to be able to do this after all.”
Well, in the end and after all, Pam came to the conclusion that she would find a way through her obstacles, and decided that she would adopt. Pam is/was a spiritual person and her value of family is/was enormous. Perhaps a combination of her spirituality, a sense of family, and a commitment she made to her deceased husband to provide a home for Ciara and Lamar, culminated in her willness and desire to be that significant and stable person in their lives. I remember her telling me, “I’ve been saying for years that someone in this family needs to adopt these kids! Some one needed to step up here!”
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